A beginners guide to Gay Etiquette: Engagement

It is a classic story; boy meets boy. Boy kisses the boy. Boy proposes to the boy, and they live happily ever after. Simple.

Engagement is an exciting and busy time, filled with decisions, planning, and dreams.  Recently becoming engaged, when I share the happy news with co-workers or friends, I get a side-tilted glance followed by a question.

“How does that work?”

This face is familiar to me as I have seen this same look when people ask what kind of dog Hazel is, and I respond in the following:

Me: “She is a Pomsky, half Pomeranian, half husky.”
Them: “How does that work?” (usually, follow by an odd hand gesture)
Me: “The mother is the Husky.”

The question is bound to happen and to assist your friends in the delicate maneuvering of awkwardly asked questions. As a person who has performed a few wedding ceremonies, I have some experience in this matter. Here are some guidelines to aid their navigation.

Originality: Even though some of us grow up with some traditions, this doesn’t mean we have to follow them. In fact, no kind of couples do, instead of asking “how does that work?” ask “where did you get the great idea?” Decisions come from either people’s past or represent something personal to them. Be open; it’s okay,they will share.

Mind your Tone: Ask questions, but be mindful of how you say or ask things. Just because it’s not how you would do it or how it has been done does not make it wrong. It just makes it not your wedding. Check your jealous or unresolved resentment into the clinic where it belongs.

Be Happy: It is a happy time. Show interest and be supportive. Listen to your friend. Take them out for a drink to celebrate; chances are they need it and deserve a free drink from a friend.

Respect: Really, it all comes down to that… respect. That is all anyone ever asks for and has the right to possess. Friends can give respect you just smile and nod in agreement.

Each engagement, wedding, and marriage is unique to that couple.  You do not have to understand something fully to appreciate the value.

Finally, say congratulations!

*This advice is based on experience and being witness to many weddings. This information may not pertain to you at all, and that is okay. If someone who is engaged, and send you this article most likely they are trying to be nice and telling you something. Just sayin.*